Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties.
Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. Consolidator. Oh, no!
Globodyne's a consolidator of media properties and data retrieval...
...with a focus in fiber-optic content provision.
It's basically a synergy of Web-based and platform-based UNIX-driven delivery systems.
Okay, I made that last part up.
We spent months on this trip. I just assumed...
...that you knew you needed a passport to get into Russia.
But if I should have told you, then I'm really sorry, Mr. Fairbanks.
It's not my fault airport security strip-searched you, Mr. Fairbanks.
I mean, maybe you shouldn't have made that joke. You know?
Hon? Fire.
You know what, I'm gonna load you up with drink coupons.
Blanca? Can you make this little man something to eat?
Are you sure about this?
The trainer said it's just a minor annoyance.
He said it just reminds him to be a little less vocal.
- Hey, Dick. - Morning, Joe.
That a new car?
It's the new Mercedes S500.
You can only special-order these from Germany.
- How's it run? - Well, it's a Mercedes.
Check this out.
Mercedes, on.
Yeah? Well, watch this.
Beemer, sit. Stay.
Play dead. Good boy.
That's cute, Dick. Mercedes, off.
"It has come to our attention that certain departments...
...have begun to run into situations." Situations.
The big boys want to see you upstairs.
Which floor? Twentieth?
Twenty-sixth?
Thirty-second?
- Not the 51 st? - Yes.
Congratulations, Mr. Harper.
- Go ahead and wrap this up. - Okay.
- How do I look? - Great.
- Anything in my teeth? - No.
I need a paper bag.
- Hey, Oz. - Hey, Dick. Morning.
It is, isn't it? Sure is.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Hey, did you? Did you hear about Bill?
- Oh, yeah. That's... That's wild. - Yeah.
Yeah. I wonder... I wonder who's gonna take his place.
That's the big mystery.
Yeah. Yeah.
- You getting off? - Not this time, Oz.
Son of a bitch!
That's it.
Hello. I'm...
...Dick Harper, and I'm here to see Jack McCallister.
Oh, well, that's him now, sorry. He had to step out.
Dick.
Damn glad to finally see you up here.
Hey, man.
- Frank Bascombe, CFO. - Nice to meet you, Frank.
Nice to meet you. Listen, Dick. Dick.
Jack's very sorry that he couldn't be here to congratulate you.
Well, on becoming the new VP of Communication.
Are you...?
- Holy... Thank you. - No, no, no.
But also, he wanted to invite you to his house...
...for an orientation meeting on Monday morning.
Dick? Ann's got the address.
All right. Sure, I'll get that. Okay. Ann?
- Thanks. - Sure.
And thank you...
...Frank.
Cool exit.
How do you like your eggs?
Pardon me!
Ours is an age of unmeasured prosperity.
Oh, yeah.
- You know what? - What?
You should quit your job.
- Quit my job? - Yeah.
Do you even know what you're getting paid? I mean, I can't quit my job.
Well, not specifically, but...
Bob got VP last month, he's making 150 plus bonuses.
Come on, you wanna spend more time with Billy.
Do it. Just... Come on.
Do it. Do it. Quit your job.
We must never become a winner-take-all society.
- You know what we should do? - What?
We should have sex...
...on Saturday.
I'll buy candles.
I'll pick up the new Starbucks sampler featuring Sade.
Oh, you animal. That is gonna be so wild.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Just make yourself at home.
Right.
Dick.
Yeah. Mr. McCallister.
- Dick. Hey, call me Jack. - Likewise.
With my name. Dick, I mean.
Man. Dick Harper.
Dick Harper.
Dick Harper playing the harp. Harpo Marx playing the jew's-harp.
D.H. DH.
You're my designated hitter.
I need you to step up into the batter's box...
...and knock one out of the ballpark for me.
- Gone. - You ever have a nickname?
Well, it was...
Squirt. The Squirt.
Something about how I was conceived, I don't know.
We gonna think of something. Have trouble finding the place?
No, sir. By the way, what a absolutely beautiful hou... Home you have.
So then my lawyer says to her lawyer:
"If she thinks she's getting that yacht, she's a little dingy."
He always... He loves that one.
The point is that we need somebody who projects confidence in this position.
We've seen how you handle yourself.
You've been a great cheerleader for this company.
So we were thinking that...
- Well, you go ahead and tell him. - No, you go ahead.
What's up, guys? Come on. Don't hold out on me here. What?
We want you to go on MoneyLife this afternoon...
...and announce our quarterly projections.
You're the guy. You're the guy we have faith in.
You can get our positive spin out there.
Right. Positive spin.
These are fickle times, Dick.
We need to stick together as a team.
Like my daddy always used to say...
Well, you can count on me, sir.
I mean, I can't tell you how happy I am.
- Thank you. - How were those eggs Florentine?
- Best I've ever had. - Good answer.
I'm on the plane right now!
Do you know what's sitting in front of me? Do you know?
A kosher meal! A kosher meal!
How many times do I need to tell you?! I don't need a kosher meal!
I'm Episcopalian!
No... No, you, miss... You... No, you grow up!
For... No, you, miss...
Phyllis, can I? Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Here's a yell! - It's personal.
- Never actually had makeup on. - I'm happy for you.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Where's Sam? - Washington.
These are your talking points. They were just faxed over.
And Sam is on the line for you.
Hello. Mr. Harper.
Hey, Sam. How you doing? Nice talking to you.
I thought you were gonna be here.
- Me too. I hear it's beautiful there. - That's the thing...
- Okay, Dick, we're on in five. - Yep, sure.
- Three, two...
Today we're talking with the new VP of Communications at Globodyne...
...Dick Harper. How you doing, Dick?
Just terrific, Sam. Thank you for asking.
And so is Globodyne, by the way.
Now, Dick, tell me, what is the shareholder to make...
...of the fact that Jack McCallister, your CEO...
...has unloaded a considerable share of his stocks?
I think CEOs sell their stocks for many reasons, Sam.
Both professional and personal.
Actually, over the past year, Jack McCallister has sold 80 percent...
...of his holdings through shell companies.
Now, how do you explain that?
The reasons for doing something like that would be...
Losing you there. Hold on.
The reasons for doing something like that would be... Could be many.
Both...
There's also talk of some of the Globodyne portfolio documents...
...being subpoenaed.
Specifically those of your CFO, Frank Bascombe.
Now, joining us with his insights, is presidential hopeful Ralph Nader.
Really?
Hi, Ralph. Big fan, love your stuff.
I wish I could say the same. I don't know how you sleep at night.Sir!
Corporations like Globodyne pervert the American dream.
The super-rich get richer.
You are a disgrace.
Ralph, I don't know where you're getting your statistics.
I can only say that, in my estimation, Globodyne is transparent.
We'd be more than willing to share any and all documentation.
What is going on?
Can somebody tell me what the heck is...?
Hey, there's a fi... Somebody should...
Okay.
This can't be good.
Out of my way!
- Hey, that's my ficus! - My ficus!
You're not even from this floor! Help! Security!
What's going on?
Oh, so Dick finally wants to know what's going on.
Frank?
Methinks somebody made a boo-boo.
Maybe we didn't know how to use Quicken. Yeah, that could be it.
Frank. Frank. Try to focus. Okay? What's happening to Globodyne?
- Globodyne? - Yeah, what happened, Frank?
- We took our shifting losses... - Yeah?
...and we put them into businesses...that we actually owned. - Yeah, yeah?
And then the balance sheet...
...it showed profit.
But actually, there was...
...debt.
What the hell?!
You're sick.
- I want you to hit me. - Frank, let go of me now.
- I want you to hit me. - Let go, you're scaring me.
- Hit me. - Frank! Get off!
And I have the 6000 greatest partners a man could ask for.
Mr. McCallister?
I don't know what to tell you.
We're just a cell in a much larger organism called the global economy.
Weak companies have to die so that stronger companies can get stronger.
- It's just nature. - Nature? What?
You ever read Walden Pond? It's all in there.
Hey, you send him a copy of the tape.
What about the other employees, sir?
They're gonna be fine. Don't go there.
This is America, the land of opportunity.
I don't know, sir. With all due respect, this doesn't feel right.
Step away from the rotors now, boy. They gonna chop your head clean off.
Honey? I'm home.
Oh, and the vice president is home!
I see you got them digging the hot tub.
I know. Yes, I called the guy. They came right out.
- That almost never happens. - I know. We're so lucky.
Dinner's ready!
- Look at it! - Oh, my gosh!
Look! I did it and it's perfect!
My gosh! That could feed a family of four.
I mean... l... In my... Look at that, Billy.
I'm surprised you left off the hooves.
You know, before we get into that, I have some wonderful news.
Mama quit her job!
- I did. I did, I did! - You did?
- Isn't that great? - My gosh! That's incredible!
Oh, the timing of it, it was just beautiful, Dick. And, oh, thank you.
I just... I just did it!
No. Oh, boy.
And now, you know what...
...I can spend so much more time with my beautiful boy.
- Yeah. - Now, what's your news, big Mr. VP?
I have something of an announcement to make.
It turns out that a very wonderful opportunity has just presented itself in the form of me...
...not necessarily working at Globodyne anymore.
Were you fired?
I wasn't fired. Globodyne tanked.
- Dick! - Jeez. "Fired."
What do you mean? How could that happen?
They just gave you a promotion. And...
There is nothing to worry about. I'll get my severance...
...money from my pension. We're fine.
I am a winner. Billy, tell your father he's a winner.
See?
- Hey! Our first day at home together. - Hey.
Let's have a big family breakfast.
Oh, gosh, honey, Billy's already gone to school...
...and I gotta meet him for that Mommy & Me lunch thing.
What are you gonna do? Are you gonna look for a job?
You know what, I think I might just take this day.
Great. I do. I think you should.
But, listen, I gotta go pick up that thing at the thing.
Baby, I gotta go. I'm sorry. Sorry.
Okay, good.
I'll see you later, baby. Have a really good time.
Bye.
Okay.
Cheers.
Former CFO Frank Bascombe has been indicted...
...on charges of fraud and money laundering.
Lead investigators say all roads lead to Mr. Bascombe.
And no evidence has yet...
...to link former CEO Jack McCallister to this growing scandal.
We've all had to make sacrifices.
I sold my place in Jackson Ho... No.
- Martha's Vineyard. - Oh, shut up!
God.
Hey, bud. Hey, hey, hey. Can't be that bad, can it, bud?
God!
Oh, you know it.
So can I send you a resume?
No, I got a terrific one here. You'll love it.
Do you have a fax number?
So there are no new openings at this time. Right.
And what about the near future?
Yeah. Sure. I could stop calling.
This afternoon. Okay.
I'll be there. Bye.
Hon. I got an interview at Pyramid Tech.
I was really starting to wonder there.
Hey!
Hold on!
- Dick. - Oz.
Wanna go get a drink?
- You buying? - Sure.
- Harper? - Yeah.
- Dick Harper! - Yeah.
You don't have to stand in this line. Come on with me.
Hey, Oz. Rain check.
Son of a bitch!
Okay, rip it out. Get it on the truck.
Hector, what's going on? What...?
- What happened? - Your check go bouncy-bounce.
But it's okay, I heard what happened to your husband.
Not everybody could afford landscaping like this, eh?
- Hector, please. - I am sorry, Miss Jane.
Oh, no, no, no. No! No, no!
This is all... Everything, it's all wrong.
I want this out. Roll it all up.
I ordered Kentucky bluegrass.
This is green.
- Dick Harper! What a stroke of luck. - Oh, jeez.
I'm sorry, I don't remember where you know me from.
Oh, I don't know you.
I just saw you spaz out MoneyLife. Oh, my God, that was great.
Hey, some of the fellas would like to meet you.
- Hello, Dick. - I can't believe it's really you.
- Oh, my God, it's him. - Did you bring your statistics?
We have an expression around here when someone makes a mistake.
It's called "pulling a Dick."
Up high, up high.
Have you seen DickHarperlsATool. Com?
Oh, you're gonna love this. This is dynamite.
I don't know where you're getting your statistics.
Who is that? Who is that? It's you! It's you!
Can we just get on with the job interview?
This guy!
We couldn't hire you! We just wanna take your picture.
Okay, everybody, little bit closer. One, two, three.
Statistics!
Hey, how'd it go?
Oh, not too bad.
It was good practice.
- What are you doing? - Going through our finances.
I'm not sure...
...but it seems that we may be in a little bit of a pickle, Dick.
Well, sure, our financial bounce-back has taken a bit longer than expected...
...but, you know, that's natural.
Our lawn was repossessed today. I didn't even know they could do that.
I think maybe it's time you start thinking about accepting something...
...a little bit lower than a vice-presidency.
No. Took me 15 years to get a VP-ship. If I step back now...
...l'll lose everything I worked for.
We're just gonna have to suck it up for a couple months.
In a couple of months, we'll be declaring bankruptcy.
- Oh, come on. - Our savings...
Look. Our savings was in Globodyne stock.
Jesus. And, look, our pension was in Globodyne stock.
Everything was in Globodyne stock! All of it!
The lawn is covered with dirt! It is so much fun!
I have made a mud man!
Now, Billy is looking at the glass half full.
Hon, relax. We've got 600 grand.
- Where? - We're standing in it. Our house.
Since Globodyne, the local property market crashed, Dick.
If we sold our house today, we would owe the bank 150 grand.
I knew it. It was churning in my gut...
...and I didn't listen. - It would be okay.
You said we could afford this house and take out a second mortgage...
...so that we could put in the pool, redo the kitchen...
- I said that. ...and now we are on the verge...
...of losing the house. If we lose the house...
...then Billy loses all sense of security and later, never have a relationship...
...so he'll just spend his whole life just alone.
There he'll be, just alone, nobody with him, just like a bum.
Hon? Hon? You need a paper bag?
You said everything was gonna be okay.
Mr. Dick! Something wrong with the electricity!
Well, if you're gonna do it, be the best.
Hi, I'm Lucy, and I'll be your Kostmart training team leader.
I am so happy to welcome you to the Kostmart team.
Now, we work hard here, but we play hard also.
I think we're gonna have a good time here...
...because at Kostmart, we're more than a store. We're family.
Now, before we get started...
...I am gonna need you all to piss in one of these cups.
- It's taking a little while. - Just relax.
I've been married for 20 years. I know what it looks like.
You want me to get you a cola?
It's just hard to do while you're standing there watching.
I could sell you my pee for $ 100.
I been off the pipe for two years. Thank you, Jesus.
Unfortunately, we don't have any positions available in Pilates or yoga.
But we are looking for a Jeet Kun Do instructor.
Yes. I mean, that's... Oh, my... I thought...
I didn't even... I didn't say that?
I was born doing...
...that.
- Hi, welcome to Kostmart. - Watch.
Hi! Welcome to Kostmart.
Check out our makeup counter on aisle 12B.
Welcome to Kostmart. Check out our CDs. Garth Brooks on sale, aisle 51.
Welcome to Kostmart. Your local gun emporium.
Aisle 42, hunting gear.
And the next thing I knew, I was wearing it.
- Well, Jane. - Hey, Veronica.
- Hi, how are you? - Good, good.
I didn't know you worked out here.
Welcome to Kostmart. I hope you'll take a trip by the deli today...
...for a complimentary cube of jalapeno cheddar.
I'm lactose intolerant. Where do you keep the cigarettes?
Behind the counter.
- But I'm not sure that's a good... - Dick? You missed one.
I'll get it. I'll get it. Wait. Ma'am? Ma'am. Welcome!
Here we go. Hi. Hi.
My name's Jane, and I'll be your instructor for beginners' Jin Ku Pow.
So let's just get right into it. Here we go.
We're just gonna loosen up a little bit.
Here we go. Yeah. There we go. And ho. And hit.
Excuse me! Ma'am!
And jab. And jab.
- Now I gotcha! - Get this!
It's punch. And punch. And step. And kick!
- It burns. - I saw you eyeballing me...
...when I came in. You were all up in my goodies.
You know something? I'm glad you fired me.
How's a person supposed to survive and feed their family on that salary?
It's a lease.
I don't know why we didn't think of this before. It's such a good idea.
We're sorry we couldn't pay you. We have no money.
It's okay. Your son is very important to me.
I would do anything for him, Mr. Richard.
In the meantime, thank you for letting us pay you in appliances.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
Hey, think about this:
How many places you'll see on one tank of gas.
- You want me to drive? - Yeah.
Here it is!
We can live without it. People have lived without these things.
- There goes the boxing match. - You can go to a bar.
It's rigged anyway.
What are you doing with the television?
- You're going to sell it! - No, no. Billy!
God! Just go, Dick!
Damn it, Blanca, grab him!
- Papa! Mama! - Go! Go, go!
- Don't take my Telemundo! - Go! Go! Hurry, hurry!
SpongeRoberto SquarePantalones!
- God! Just go, go, go! - I want my MTV Latino.
Dick, what are we gonna do?
We've run out of things to sell.
Well...
- There's always prostitution. - Dick.
I mean me.
We just gotta look for more work, that's all.
There is no work, Dick. There's 6000 other people out of work.
Vice presidents are working at Burger King.
It's gonna be fine. All we need is $400...
...and we're good for another month. This is just temporary. So stay calm.
- And don't panic! - Damn.
Are you going to sit in the dirt hole all night long?
- Come on, hon, let's get out. - Yeah.
I'm starting to turn into a raisin anyway.
What's the matter? You look sad, Richard.
Blanca, call me Dick.
Well, Blanca, there's just no jobs out there.
I have a cousin who might be able to help you find some work.
It's not much. But it's something.
I need one guy who knows how to paint.
That's me!
Hold on, I got it. I got it. I'm here!
Hey, I was here first!
Congratulations, guero. You almost got that one.
Don't worry. There'll be more.
That thing is already starting to swell up like a balloon.
Is it noticeable?
- No. - Just a little bit.
Did you see that? We should report that guy.
Report him!
- We should report him. - Let's report him.
I do it for you.
This is a new drug in the same family of Botox.
We don't expect any problems.
Your check for $ 14 is waiting for you at the front desk...
...and we think you are all going to look beautiful. Okay.
Now, if you can begin by just filling out those forms.
Those are insurance waivers.
And then you'll find a list of various aspects of your face.
Go ahead and check off anything that you think...
...you might want to improve on just a little bit.
Are deuces still wild?
No.
I'm screwed.
Well, I think I'm gonna go, guys. Carlos. Eduardo. Gustavo.
Pleasure talking to you the last couple hours.
Hey, congratulations on the baby too.
- INS! - All right, hold it right there.
- INS? - Hold it right there.
You're not going anywhere.
- Hold it right there! - You've gotta be kidding.
Oh, this is hilarious.
You guys know the drill. Let's see some papers.
- Against the wall. - Papers.
Where's my wallet? Where'd my wallet go? This is...
- No, no. I dropped my wallet. - Back up.
- Oh, these are doozies. - What do you got?
We got a Don Johnson, Elvis and Opie Taylor.
- Dick Harper, you're free to go. - Dick Harper?
That's me, Dick Harper. Hey, that guy's not Dick Harper! Whoa, jeez!
We don't want problems.
You're making a serious mistake in judgment. I am an American.
You gotta work on your accent, Pablo.
Could we...? You wanna talk to my wife, Jane?
Yeah. Oh, okay, yeah. We'll call your wife, "Yane."
We'll ask her if you're American. And we'll call my wife, Yennifer...
...and his wife, Yaqueline, too. - It's ringing, it's ringing!
No, wait! I'm an American! I swear to God!
- Hey, watch your language. - Get in there.
Okay, we have our results.
Negative side effects with only three of 14 participants in the study.
- That's not bad. Let's see, now. - Hello?
- Jill? Hi, Jill. - Dick, what...?
Oh, honey, I can barely under...
What...? Why are you doing that accent?
Holy hell!
I did this little cosmetics test...
...and I had a little reaction. Is it really that bad?
No, it's not so bad. It's just different.
Dick, can we talk about this some other time?
Oh, yeah. Come on, come on. Go, go, go, go!
I gotta go in. I gotta go to bed.
You coming?
I think I'm gonna sit in the car...
...and think for a while.
Okay.
Don't think for too long, we gotta get up early.
Soup kitchens stop serving at 8.
You're still pretty.
I'm not playing anymore.
I've just about had it!
Sorry.
O my God, I'm heartily sorry for having offended thee.
It's okay. I'm putting it back.
I'm putting it back! It's okay.
Hon, what happened?
I got the lawn back.
Got the?
Oh, Dick.
It's beautiful.
Honey.
Oh, Dick, I love you.
I love you.
Are these too big for my face?
Well, now you look like the Unabomber.
Good.
What are you doing with Billy's squirt gun?
We followed the rules and we got screwed.
We were good people, honest people...
...and we got screwed.
Damn it!
What are you gonna do now, you gonna rob a bank?
We got screwed. Over and over again, hon.
I stole the lawn back, and you know what happened?
We have a lawn now.
Yeah, but... Okay.
We're all just cavemen...
...trying to protect our little patch of land.
Well, now I have a club...
...and I'm gonna take what I need.
Maybe you should steal some Prozac.
Keep laughing, Jane. Keep laughing, okay?
I'll be back soon...
...with the loot. - Oh, no, no, no. I'm coming.
- Not gonna miss this for the world. - Suit yourself.
Besides, you're gonna need a good wheelman.
Okay, that's it, joke's over. Let's go home.
- Come on. - No, no, no.
- We haven't done the caper yet. - Wow, okay, you...
Then... Then let's do it before, you know...
...we die of carbon-monoxide poisoning.
When you're in there, get me some Sno-Caps.
Oh, no, no, no, Raisinets, Raisinets. I want Raisinets.
Hon, your thingamabob.
- I know, I know. - All right.
And don't forget to kill the witnesses, hon.
Okay.
Hi.
Brain freeze.
You ever get that?
One Brainfreeze. Anything else?
Yeah. Yeah, I got something else...
...right here.
Hey, Jake, take a break. I got this one.
That'll be 1.29, please.
1.29.
Go! Jane, go! Just go!
Oh, God. You did it?
Oh, there that is.
- That was wild. That was wild! - You actually robbed that place?
No, but I had a slushie and I didn't even pay for it.
- What? - Well, then our problems...
...are pretty much over.
Jane, just drive the car, okay? We'll find another place, okay?
Give me your money! Garth!
Dick?
- Oh, my God. - You remember Jane.
- She's in the car. - Jane?
- Hi, Garth. - Hey, Jane.
- Hon, it's... Garth. - What's with this?
- From the barbeque. - Harper, what are you...?
I had you going there.
Had me going? You scared me to death.
- Yeah, well... - You're a madman.
- We should hang out soon. - All right.
Yeah, you wanna hang out with Garth soon, hon?
- All right. - All right.
Drive. Just drive. Just drive the car.
- Okay, Dick. - Okay.
My car's right there.
Get that for you, then. Okay.
- Thank you, sonny. Thank you. - Oh, no, l...
Well, maybe.
Okay, stop the car.
Now, that place is loaded.
They are ripe for the picking.
And you are just the guy for the job.
But seriously, doesn't this remind you of that movie Heat...
...with Val Kilmer...? - I'm trying my best.
There's nothing to be ashamed of, is all I'm saying. Some people...
Some people have that robbing thing and... And some people don't.
Maybe...
...you're not a badass.
Hey, man. What can I do you for?
You can do me for all the money in the till.
- This is a stickup. - Whoa, what's wrong with you, dude?
I'm married, that's what's wrong with me.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Move it, paraquat! Come on, Zig-Zag.
That's a real gun. You're robbing me.
- Dick? - Honey, robe.
Oh, God, okay. Sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Listen to me. What are you doing, are you craz...?
- What? - Listen, put your hands down.
- He's been stressed. - Why are you undercutting me?
- To be fair, we both... - I'm trying to rob this man.
- We don't need to do this. - I got a call about the mortgage.
If we don't pay tomorrow, the sheriff's coming to put us out on the street.
Get the money out of there right now, I mean it!
- Pull it out, put it in a sack! Let's go! - Easy, hon.
- God! Oh, God! - Come on.
Wow, that's fantastic. Women are amazing, aren't they?
It's just like jelly jars.
Whoa, hon! Hon!
- Look, look. - Hon?
- What? - I don't think anybody's following us.
God!
Oh, look out for that.
Oh, park under there.
Oh, my God.
- I can't believe we just did that. - But we did do it.
We did do it.
It's not like we stole from some old lady, you know?
Exactly. And you know, maybe we can figure out a way we can...
...give back some of what we've taken to other people.
Maybe we will. It's a definite possibility.
Wanna grab a cup of coffee?
- Iced mocha sounds nice. - Yeah.
All right, this is a holdup. Get on the ground and you won't get hurt.
Whoa, Jesus. Are you okay, hon?
- I'm okay. - All right.
You. Two iced mochas, let's go. Move it, move it.
- Two iced mochas. - Yeah. Whipped cream.
- Whipped cream. - Any whipped cream, hon, on yours?
- No, thanks. - None on hers.
- No whipped cream. - Are these nonfat muffins?
- Are they nonfat muffins?! - I think so.
Okay. Hon, these are nonfat muffins. Get some of those.
- Which ones, vanilla or chocolate? - In the back, in the back.
- This one? - No, no, that one.
- Front? Honey! - No, that one. Okay.
Yeah, okay, that's good. Okay, nobody try to follow us...
...because we're desperate criminals. We're crazy people!
And I'll kill you all!
- Oh, hon, the coffee. Coffee. - Oh, yeah, right.
Thanks a lot.
What are you doing in there?
What do you think?
- It's Elvis on a motorcycle? - It's Evel Knievel, hon.
I like the way it makes my butt look.
Honey, where's my car?
Mercedes, off.
Now I can watch soccer!
No matter what happens, know that I love you.
I love you too.
- Let's do this. - Okay.
Go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go!
Oh, my God.
This guy's really loaded.
That's a lot of lettuce.
Should we pistol-whip him?
Hey, don't laugh.
Don't you laugh now, okay?
Because it demeans what we're doing here.
Yeah.
- Anyway, shall we? - Let's do it.
- What...? What is that? - Nothing.
Don't do anything funny, or else.
You could pay the ultimate price.
Honey, come on, cut the crap.
Okay.
We sound so funny.
I know. That's what I was thinking.
Oh, my God.
Hel...
Did you guys hear what happened to Bob Blaustein?
- Bob Blaustein? - Yeah.
- Who's Bob Blaustein? - Oh, he works at Sonent Global.
Or should I say he worked at Sonent Global.
- Yeah. - Yeah, and if they're not careful...
...they'll become the next Pyramid Tech.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Oh, Dick...
...what you been up to since Globodyne went under?
Just working at home, playing in the stock market.
I tell you, guys...
...it's like stealing money. - You're on fire, Dick.
- Last job, try to stay focused. - Okay.
- Let me hold that door for you, ma'am. - Why, thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh, my goodness. This woman has fainted.
- Are you all right? - You might wanna open her blouse...
...so she can...
...breathe. - Right.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, l... - You okay?
Oh, no.
That's good.
- Let me get back to you. Excuse me. - Yes?
- May I help you? - Vault inspector.
- What happened to Phil? - Necrotizing fasciitis.
Caused by an invasive streptococcus.
What?
Flesh-eating disorder.
It's all over the money.
Might wanna wash your hands.
- Everybody down! - This is a robbery!
- No way! - Freeze, everybody.
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
- Oh, no. - Nobody move a muscle.
You. Whiskers, whiskers. On the floor.
Oh, Dick.
I will blow those whiskers...
...right off your face! - I'm down!
- Go get the money, please. - You're... You're money, I'm guns...
...that's the plan. - Put your weapons down.
- Oh, shit. - Stick to the plan, stick to the plan.
- I'm putting the weapon down. - Bring it on, pigs!
- Honey. - What are you doing?
Oh, Dick. Oh, Dick. Oh, Dick. Run, Dick, run.
- You coward! - Stay on the ground.
- Whoa, boy. - You quitter!
- I'm cuffed! I'm cuffed! - You filthy pig.
- I'm sorry. - Bring it on.
- Bring it on, I'll take on all of you! - Oz?
- Hon, get the car! Get the car! - Debbie.
- Thank you very much. - Oh, Dick.
Honey.
Oh, thank God.
Oz and Debbie Peterson...
...former employees of now-defunct Globodyne...
...were charged with armed robbery...
...after holding up a local branch... - Dick. Dick, that could have been us.
What were we thinking?
- And turned to crime as a result of their sudden unemployment.
Like this woman, Naomi Seiler, a human-resources manager...
...caught last May managing a different kind of resource:
220 kilos of Canada's finest marijuana.
I knew her. She always remembered everybody's birthday.
Or this man, Mark Fish, a former VP of Globodyne...
...who was arrested after using his home as the setting...
...for secret high-stakes cockfights.
Mark Fish? He was such a nice guy.
Globodyne CFO Frank Bascombe...
...starts serving his 18-month prison term next week.
- Eighteen months? That's nothing. - Bastard.
- Trying to incriminate Jack McCallister.
- Oh, yeah. - I don't think I got away with anything.
The collapse of Globodyne hurt me financially and personally...
...just like any other employee. I'm sick about it.
I'm et up about it.
Now watch this shot.
Did I get him?
- Now you did. - Great.
Look at that guy.
Everybody's in hell, he's on vacation shooting stuff.
Man, I hope every one of these bastards get what they deserve.
Prosecutors say next to be indicted will be...
...company spin doctor Dick Harper.
- Harper gave misleading statements... - What? Indicted?
...about Globodyne's finances one minute before the company...
- Indicted? - That's not fair. They made you...
...go on that show.
You hear what they said? I'm gonna be indicted.
- But you only said what they told you. - Indicted, Jane!
Indicted. I'm gonna be indicted.
- Wait, it's gonna be... - Indicted!
- Honey... Dick... - Indicted!
- Honey... - Gonna be indicted!
Hold it, they can't... It's gonna be okay. Just calm down.
I can't calm down, I'm gonna be indicted. Indicted!
I'm gonna be indicted!
Indicted!
I'm gonna be indicted!
Be indicted!
You know, I haven't seen you in the downtown club for a while, sir.
Well, that's because I was very, very busy...
...being indicted.
Look at all the executives.
You guys are my kind of peeps.
Captains of industry, masters of the universe...
...presidents of Hair Club for Men. That's a nice piece of hair.
You can't even see the tread marks.
This squirrel died of natural causes.
Excuse me, pardon me.
I gotta get to the "toppytip" of the financial summit.
Isn't anyone going to do anything?
This happens every week. This guy actually isn't that bad.
I'm a corporate puppet.
And I'm gonna need some more string...
...so I can go on believing I'll be a real boy someday...
...without being manipulated... - No, no, no, I got it.
...by the bullshit!
Oh, my God, Dick. Come down from there.
Hon, I'm in the middle of a very important meeting.
Sweetie, you're standing on a table pretending to be a puppet.
Who's pretending?
- Couldn't you have just cut him off? - He only had half a beer.
Dick, hi. Long time no see.
- Frank! Frank! - I'm gonna get him. Just...
Frank, where are you going?
- Dick! - Come on, Frank.
I just wanna have a talk.
Hey there, Frankie.
How do you like those eggs Florentine?
Wait, wait, wait! Wait, it was Jack.
It was Jack.
He siphoned off all of Globodyne's assets...
...and then he dumped the stock. It was his plan from the beginning.
Son of a bitch!
That fucker!
- Hon, language. - She's right.
When you get out of prison...
...you'll get $20 million to keep your mouth shut.
No, 10. You think I could have gotten 20?
You son of a b...
- You'll break... Dick. - I want him.
- Let go. - Don't you think I feel terrible?
Why do you think I'm drinking myself to death?
Instead of drinking, why don't you do something about it.
Yeah, Frank. Sometimes the cure is a clean conscience.
- That is good. - Thanks, hon.
- I just thought of it. - You did?
- Yeah. - You're right.
You're right. Help me up. Help me up.
Yeah, help me up. I gotta think of something.
Okay, just give me a minute. Just give me...
Hey.
Hey!
- Not this time, Frank. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
It's force of habit. I know a way. I know a way.
But it's really, really risky.
That's where Jack keeps it.
Four hundred million in highly liquid U.S. Bearer bonds.
So it's a vault job. Go in after midnight, bypass security...
...and... power tools.
- It's a little simpler than that. - Power tools?
Jack's gonna have to take those bonds out of the safe-deposit box.
That should be fun for him.
Here's my babies.
So, what's he gonna do with the money?
There it is, the Grand Cayman Bank.
Grand Cayman. What is this place?
It's where rich people go to evade taxes.
- Bastards. - Honey.
They can't hear us. What's next?
McCallister takes the bonds to a representative...
...who asks him for his signature to verify what they call "membership."
Once the bonds are counted and confirmed...
...McCallister will receive a CRM- 114 deposit form...
...and on this form he inputs his account number...
...that only he and the bank know. Then the agent will take this...
...to an authorization officer for further verification.
Once the representative has stamped and initialed the document...
...the account rep will take the CRM- 114...
...back to McCallister for final approval before finalization.
You said this was gonna be simple.
Can you explain it again? Jane doesn't seem to understand.
- Jane, it's simple. It's so simple. - Jeez.
Now, listen.
All we have to do...
...is switch McCallister's CRM- 114 with his account number...
...with one of our own.
- I'm so sorry. - A copy that we have made...
...that has a number from an account that I have established.
And Jack sends the 400 million to us without knowing it.
That's... You got it. It's so simple.
That is beautiful. It's a switch.
- It's a switch. - It's a switch.
- It's a switch. - That's so sexy, man.
- That's unbelievable. It'll be fun. - But Jane's gonna have to do it.
Because if McCallister sees either one of us, he'll know something's up.
- And I? - Do nothing.
I can do that.
Yeah.
Okay.
- You do it, then. You're the one. - Yeah.
Yeah.
- You could do it, except... - No, it's good.
No, you do it. You do it. You do it.
- You deserve to do it. - Honey...
Are you ready to make the switch? Do you have the form?
- It's right here. - We should practice the move.
- No, I got it. - Okay, fine.
I won't be involved. I won't participate at all.
- You do it. It's all you. - Let's do one for good luck.
I got dressed up. You're not doing me any favors.
- Get out of the car! - I just think it's important.
That's all.
Okay, I'll be the bank representative. And you be you.
Hey. Hey! Wait, sir.
- No! No, no. No! - Sorry.
- Everybody ready? - No.
- What? - Well, Dick lost the form.
- So... - What?
Do you have an extra copy?
Do you have any idea what I went through to get that?!
Oh, let me guess, a fifth of Scotch!
You son of a...
Wait. Stop it. Knock it off!
My God. Wait a second. Can we get another one?
Is that possible? How can we do that?
You know what, I'm gonna take the car...
...and I'm gonna try to delay McCallister.
- He's here. He's here. - Oh, God.
- What are you...? - I'm going.
That was not cool.
Okay. It's very simple. I got it.
- I got it. It's very simple. - What?
Go into the bank. Go into the office of the client-relations coordinator.
The document forms are backed up on her disk, you have to print one out.
- Who's this guy? Do I say hello? - Never mind. Just blow past them.
Quaint.
McCallister, 12 o'clock.
Okay, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go stall him.
- Hon. - What?
How am I supposed to find the client-relations coordinator?
Turn around.
Oh, my... Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Jack McCallister.
- I'm sorry? - It's me, Deb Festerbooth.
- Hi. - Hi.
Oh, is that the legendary espresso machine?
You want some?
- Really, could I? - Sure, yeah.
- Good to see you. - From the fundraiser.
I am truly sorry, but I really don't recall you, Miss?
Festerbrook... Booth. Yes. No, listen, this is crazy.
You have to remember.
- And here you go. - Thank you.
Oh, excuse me. That's my phone.
Oh, me too.
Grand Cayman Bank, how may I help you?
Karen Williams, please.
- This is Karen. - Yes, Mrs. Williams...
...this is Officer Redgreen...
...of the MVPDL.
And we've recovered a stolen vehicle that is registered in your name.
We'd appreciate it if you could come to the impound lot...
What? My car's been stolen?
Don't you remember my tattoo of a green monkey on my ass?
Someone stole my car right out of the parking lot.
No way.
- Yeah. - It's Dick.
I got it.
- Dick. - Yeah.
Is the client-relations coordinator a blond woman with a red scarf?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She noticed her car isn't stolen.
- What's the account number? - P-N-5-9-7...
P-N-5-9-7...
...2- K-4-0. - 2-4-K...
No, 2-K-4-0.
- Oh, my God. - Got it.
Oh, my God, my car!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- I didn't see you there. - What is wrong with you?
What's wrong with me?
You're parked in a handicapped space.
- That's not a handicapped space. - It is now!
Yes!
- What are you doing here? - It's too late.
The account rep's authorizing the CRM-114 right now.
Oh, man!
Wait a second. He's not going back into the room.
- Where is he going? - I'm gonna go down...
...and get this stamped and initialed. You stall him.
Oh, I hate stalling!
- Catches my dust. - Traffic congestion.
Hey, Spence, good to see you again. How you been?
Well, thank you.
Will you excuse me for a moment?
- Of course. - Yeah.
Say, Dick, I'm probably gonna be arrested for DWI...
...so I won't be there when you get out.
- Can we talk about this later? - Look what I found in his car.
I don't wish to discuss this in front of the branch employees, that's why.
Nobody likes to be the bad guy, Bill. But here I am, chopping heads.
- I already verified... - I understand the need for layoffs.
I'm concerned about morale.
I'm fine, really. Thank you very much. Thank you.
- Madam, can I have my form back? - What did you just call me?
I just don't wanna start a bloodbath.
- Can I have my form back? - Your "forn"?
- Is that how you spell your name? - Why don't I just do this for you, sir.
My form.
You know, there is one bright light here.
Spencer, the guy with the stampy thing, he's top-drawer.
Thank you, sir.
Dick?
Dick Harper?
Jack McCallister.
- You just struck me. - Look what the cat coughed up.
My gosh, you cut an impressive swath, I'll tell you that.
- And you smell good too, you devil. - Just hold on a second.
What do you say we put all this behind us.
- Dick, what are you doing here? - You know, working, mostly, here...
...temporarily, over in Transfers.
- Okay? Just drop it. - I heard you left town.
Yeah, I was in Mexico for a while. But mostly I've been working in Transfers.
- Oh, I see. - Poppycocker.
I wanted to tell you that you are my inspiration.
- There's no hard feelings? - You did the best you could.
- That's all anybody could ask for. - Decent of you to say.
Like my granddaddy used to tell me...
Bye.
It was so great. We did it!
Mr. McCallister, please.
I don't know. I think I made a mistake.
- Are you kidding? You were great! - No, no, no.
Here we are, sir.
Days like this, they make my hands shake.
- Know what I'm saying? - I can imagine.
- What's he doing? - I don't know. What is he doing?
We got one situation here, now, fellas...
...which is that that number wrong.
That's incorrect right there.
- Did he see us? - I have no idea.
I think he saw you.
You were sticking your big head out there.
I gotta hit the road here, fellas, so I'm gonna sign this for you...
...then you gonna change it. - Yes.
Oh, man. You know, this is really not the time.
This is really not the time. Oh, God, he's coming.
- He's coming, hon. - Okay.
Jack, hey. It was great seeing you.
- Where's Frank Bascombe? - Come again?
You didn't think I'd catch that, now, did you?
- What do you mean? - Here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna turn around and march out of here now.
You're gonna take Goldilocks there with you.
And I won't put the two of you in prison for a very long time.
Actually, honey, I think that sounds pretty good. I think...
I think we should take it, you know.
You think so, hon?
I do.
- Because I don't. - Dick Harper.
I've been terminated, bankrupted, deported and blackmailed...
...because of you.
And I'm not leaving here without your money.
What you gonna do, Dick? Shoot me if I don't approve that form?
Write me a check.
- You are kidding me. - Dick, it's not gonna do us any good.
He's just gonna cancel it the minute we walk out of here.
I don't care.
I'm not walking out of this bank empty-handed.
All right. All right, Dick, I'm gonna write you a check.
- I'm gonna need my hand back. - Gladly.
All right. Yes, sir. I'm gonna write you that check.
And what's more, I'm not gonna cancel it.
Because I think it takes a lot of cojones...
...to do what you two have done here today. And I admire that.
So...
...here you go.
Just a little something to show you what I think you're worth.
Y'all take care, now.
Dick, honey...
...give me the squirt gun, okay?
Do you still have McCallister's form?
Why?
Because I just got his signature.
Weren't you an art major?
Dick Harper! I had no idea what you were doing.
I was completely fooled. My God, I didn't know you could act.
Hon, in 10th grade I played Biff in Death of a Salesman.
- Come on. - That's just...
See the way I got my eyes watering up?
Yes, sir. It's all right there.
I am married to a genius.
It's a turn-on, isn't it?
- You're a criminal. - I'm a hardened criminal.
Hon, first we need to talk to Spencer.
Right.
Are you in the habit of signing things without looking at them?
Miss Sheinkopf?
Miss Sheinkopf, I'm gonna be home by 6.
- Mr. McCallister! - Jack!
- Mr. McCallister! - Mr. McCallister!
We're all waiting for you over here, Jack. Everybody's really pumped.
Come on!
Is this some kind of a joke, Dick?
Are you still trying to get even with me?
Why would I get even with such a generous man?
I still can't believe you did that. Jane and I were way off base.
- He's on in 20, right? Hook him up. - Wait, on what?
Sam Samuels. MoneyLife.
Oh, and here are some suggested responses.
Live to Southern California, where...
...in a stunning act of personal generosity, Jack McCallister...
Who the hell do you think you are?
I'm your VP of Communications, Jack.
- Personally funded the defunct corporation's pension fund.
You said I just did what?
God, I love this guy.
But seriously, Jack, what made you do it?
Well, l... Sam, I...
I realized, Sam, that since the employees of Globodyne...
...had given me so much, it was time for me to give back to them.
So yesterday, I wire-transferred...
...$400 million...
...into the newly created Globodyne Pension Relief Fund.
Oh, yeah!
Let's look at what happened when the first ex-Globodyne employees...
...received their shares of money.
Many people had their life savings invested in the company...
...and were delighted to learn their pensions had been returned.
It is the first time in U.S. Corporate history...
...that a CEO has personally funded a bankrupted pension plan.
This incredible gesture won't soon be forgotten by the people...
...whose lives it has so dramatically affected.
And this is just the beginning.
In the coming months, thousands more will be receiving a check...
...for the full value of their lost pensions and life savings.
Jack, Jack, he's got your back!
You hear that? They love you, Jack.
- Now, go to hell. - Mr. McCallister...
...do you consider yourself a modern-day Robin Hood?
- Does this mean you're off the hook? - Do you wanna save the whales?
Now, hang on a minute.
Have you decided to contribute to the homeless?
What made you so gracious?
Mr. McCallister, how do you feel right now?
Mr. McCallister, how about giving a brother a buck?
Look at our beautiful family.
My name is Dick Harper.
- I agree. - Hey, Harpers, stick them up!
- Look who it is. - Hey, Garth.
How you doing, Garth?
Great. Hey, how do you like the new wheels?
- Nice. - Hooked up with a new company.
- Great benefits. - Yeah?
Yeah. They trade energy. It's called Enron.
很久很久以前...
公元2000年...
这是迪克
[他开车走了] -哥路博达因融合了滤光特性
哥路博达因融合了滤光特性 融合 不
快跑 迪克 快
哥路博达因公司生产纤维光学型产品
其具有滤光和数据恢复的功能
同时它还对基于网络或平台的 UNIX驱动传输系统提供辅助作用
其实最后这点儿是我编的
他有一份不错的工作
我们为准备这次旅行 已经花了几个月的时间了
我还以为你知道 去俄罗斯是需要护照的
这是简
要是我以前告诉过您的话这不会这样了 实在是对不起 费尔贝克斯先生
她也在很努力地工作
机场安检对您进行光身检查 并不是我的错 费尔贝克斯先生
这是贝利
或许您不应开这种玩笑
亲爱的 着火了
我们会给您提供饮料优惠券
这是布兰卡
布兰卡 你能给他一些吃的东西吗?
(墨西哥语)
这是斯伯特
它每天都叫个不停
这样做真的管用?
训养员说对付它很简单
这只不过是提醒它安静些
现在可没法叫了
《新抢钱夫妻》
- 早 迪克 - 早 乔
买新车了?
这是最新款奔驰S500
只能从德国专门订购
- 跑起来怎样? - 这可是奔驰
看看这个
奔驰 发车
是么 我也会
宝马 坐着别动
装死 真是好孩子
真是幼稚 迪克 奔驰 熄火
"某些发生状况的部门
需要我们特别注意一下" 状况?
楼上的头儿想见你
哪层楼的? 二十层?
二十六层?
三十二层?
- 该不会是五十一层吧? - 就是的
恭喜您了 哈珀先生
- 你替我接一下电话 - 好
- 我看起来怎么样? - 不错
- 牙上有沾的东西吗? - 没有
这太令人激动了
- 早 欧兹 - 迪克 早
今天天儿不错 是啊
- 是不错 - 嗯
听说比尔了吗?
- 当然 他确实很疯狂 - 是啊
我在想谁会接替他的位置
的确让人捉摸不透
不错
- 你不下来? - 再过一会 欧兹
你个混蛋!
我相信我可以飞
我相信我能摸到天空
我日夜都想着这一幕
展开翅膀 远走高飞
我相信我能高飞
我看到我穿过那道敞开的生命之门
我相信我能飞
我相信 我相信 我相信
这样打
你好 我是...
迪克 哈珀 我想见一下杰克·麦克克里斯特
嗯...这个 飞机上的就是他 抱歉 他有事要出去一趟
迪克
终于等到你上来了
你好
- 弗兰克·巴斯克姆博 首席财务官 - 见到你很高兴 弗兰克
见到你也很高兴 嗯...迪克
杰克对不能亲自来祝贺 未来的行销副总裁
感到十分抱歉
你没有开玩笑吧?
- 真是太感谢了 - 别别别
他还想周一早上邀请你去他家做客
去研究未来发展事宜
迪克 去跟安要地址吧
对对对 差点都忘了 安?
- 谢谢 - 不客气
也谢谢你...
弗兰克
太帅了
很沾沾自喜是吧
请让一下
我们现在正处于昌盛时期
太舒服了
- 你知道吗? - 什么?
你应该把工作辞掉
- 辞职? - 对
你觉得你可以一个人应付得来? 我是说 我不能辞职不干
虽然不是很确定 但...
鲍勃上个月当副总裁就分了50%的红利
你不是还想和贝利多点时间在一起吗
辞了吧
辞了辞了 辞了你的工作
我们不能成为霸权主义国家
- 你觉得我们现在应该干什么吗? - 什么?
我们应该做爱
在周六的晚上
我要买些蜡烛
那我就去买星巴克试喝咖啡去犒劳萨德 (法国作家)
你这个"野兽" 那样肯定会很疯狂
对啊
谢谢
就像在自己家一样 随便些
谢了
迪克
你好 麦克克里斯特先生
- 迪克 叫我杰克就行了 - 都一样
我是说和我名字迪克一样随便叫
迪克·哈珀
迪克·哈珀在弹竖琴 哈珀·马克思在吹单簧口琴
D.H. DH
你是我的特派击球手
我要你靠近击球位置
然后把球高高击出棒球场
- 一下子就不见了 - 你有绰号吗?
嗯 有个叫...
喷壶 就是喷壶
是关于我如何想问题的 我自己也不是很清楚
我们还是谈正事吧 我这个地方还好找吗?
挺好找的 真是不错的房...不 是不错的家
然后我的律师对她的律师说
"如果她认为她能得到那个快艇的话 那么她就太逊了"
他总是喜欢说这个
关键是我们要找一个能胜任此职位的人
我们对你是怎样一个人 已经了解的很清楚了
对于公司来说你就是最好的代言人
所以我们想...
- 还是你来告诉他吧 - 不 还是你说
都怎么了? 快说呀 不要再吊我的胃口了 怎么样?
我们想让你录制今天下午的"当今财坛"
去向公众宣布我们这季度的规划方案
你是我们所信任的人
你去可以谈一些积极的政见
好 积极的政见
现在公司不太景气 迪克
我们更要团结起来
就象我父亲常说的那样
你就放心吧
我是说无法告诉你 我现在有多高兴
- 谢谢 - 这些菠菜鸡蛋羹怎么样?
- 比我吃过的都好 - 说的好
我现在在飞机上
但你知道我面前是什么东西吗? 你知道吗?
犹太教徒专用餐! 是犹太教徒专用餐!
你想让我给你说多少次?! 我不需要犹太教徒专用餐!
我是圣公会教徒
不...不 小姐你先过 不 你成熟点吧
不 小姐你...
菲利斯 我能打扰一会儿吗?
- 那个人疯了! - 是关于我个人的事情
- 从来都没有化过妆 - 真替你高兴
- 你好 - 你好
- 萨姆不在? - 去华盛顿了
这是你的谈话题纲 刚刚传真过来
萨姆会和你连线
你好 哈珀先生
你好 萨姆 过得好吗 很高兴一起和你做节目
我还以为你会来这儿呢
- 我也很高兴 听说你那里风景不错 - 有很多地方比如...
- 迪克 我们已经开始倒计时了 - 好
- 三 二...
今天我们将要连线的是 哥路博达因公司新行销副总裁
迪克·哈珀 过得还好吗 迪克?
还不错 萨姆. 谢谢你的关心
哥路博达因公司也很好
迪克 告诉大家
你们是如何向股东解释 你的首席执行官杰克·麦克克里斯特
卖出了数目相当可观的股份?
我认为首席执行官他们自己卖掉 股票是有很多原因的
职业的和个人的原因都有
实际上在过去的几年里 杰克·麦克克里斯特通过多家控股公司
把自己将近80%的股份都已转让出去
那么您如何解释这个问题?
能让他做出如此举动的原因...
请等一下 断线了
能让他做出如此举动的原因...有很多
既有...
还有人说部分哥路博达因公司公文档案
是伪造的
尤其是关于首席财务官弗兰克·巴斯克姆博的
现在让我们连线总统候选人 拉尔夫·那德
真的?
你好 拉尔夫 我是你一贯的支持者
我也希望能对你说同样的话 不知道你晚上是怎么睡着的
像哥路博达因公司这样的公司 毁掉了美国人的梦想
富人越来越富
你真应该感到羞耻
拉尔夫 我不知道你是从哪里得来的这些统计数字
我能够说的就是 在我看来 哥路博达因公司的财务是透明公开的
我们乐意公开任何的公文档案
你们都疯了吗?
有人能告诉我到底怎么...?
喂 着火了... 怎么没人去...
算了
这可不太好
滚开!
- 嘿 那是我的无花果树! - 我的!
你根本就不是这层的人! 来人啊! 保安!
到底怎么了?
你终于想知道这是为什么了
弗兰克?
我想有人做了件蠢事
或许我们不知道如何利用快速成长 不错 就是这样
弗兰克 弗兰克 清醒点 好吗? 哥路博达因公司到底怎么了?
- 哥路博达因公司? - 对 到底怎么了 弗兰克?
- 我们把自己的流动资金... - 怎么了?
- 投入到自己的商业活动里... - 然后呢?
然后资产平稳表...
显示说我们盈利了
但实际上 我们却...
负债累累
你在干什么?!
真恶心
- 打我一顿 - 弗兰克 放开我
- 打呀 - 放开我 你真吓到我了
- 打 - 弗兰克! 松手!
我们可以联系到6000家顶级合作者
麦克克里斯特先生?
我不知道能告诉你什么
在全球经济的大潮中 我们都只是小小的一滴水
实力弱的公司不得不倒闭 强盛的公司则会变得更强
- 这是自然规律 - 自然规律? 真的?
你读过奥尔登·旁德的书没有? 里面都有写的
给他复制一盘录像带
其他的雇员怎么办 上司?
他们没事的 不用去管他们
这里是美国 充满机遇的地方
我不理解 头儿 我的信念告诉我这是不对的
赶快离开这儿吧 小心旋翼把你脑袋砍下来
亲爱的 我回来了
哦 副总裁回家了
他们在挖地热浴盆吗?
是啊 我一打电话他们就来了
- 这可从来都没有过 - 是啊 我们太幸运了
晚饭准备好了!
- 睁开眼睛看看吧! - 太棒了!
看看 我做的真是太棒了
天哪 四个人都吃不完
我说... 吃这个 贝利
我很惊奇你把蹄子也给留下了
在我们开始吃之前 我有一个好消息
妈妈辞职了
- 我辞了 我辞了 - 你真辞了?
- 不好吗? - 太好了 真是不可思议
细想一下 这不是很好吗? 迪克 谢谢你
我只是...我只是勇敢地迈出了一步
太棒了你
你知道吗...
我现在可以和我的宝贝儿子 天天在一起了
- 是啊 - 那么你的好消息呢 副总裁先生?
我有一个"通知"要向大家宣布
曾经有一个极好的机会摆在我的面前
可以让我不再为哥路博达因公司工作
你被解雇了?
我没有被解雇 但是哥路博达因公司破产了
- 迪克! - 上帝 "解雇"
什么意思? 这怎么可能呢?
他们刚刚提拔你并且...
没什么好担心的 我会用退休金来养活你们
我们都会没事的
我才是赢家 贝利 告诉你爸爸他是一个大赢家
(墨西哥语)
看见没?
- 早 全家团聚的第一天 - 早
让我们高高兴兴一起吃早餐吧
对不起 亲爱的 贝利已经上学去了
我还得和他一起去吃什么 "妈妈和我"的午饭
你准备干什么? 找工作?
我觉得我今天应该呆在家里
不错 可以理解
我会就事论事地处理的
亲爱的 我得走了 抱歉
就这样吧 我走了
晚些见 亲爱的 祝你今天过得开心
拜拜
好吧
干杯
前任首席财务官弗兰克·巴斯克姆博已被起诉
因其涉嫌参与欺诈和洗黑钱
调查主要负责人说所有矛头都指向巴斯克姆博先生
但没有任何证据说明
前任首席执行官杰克·麦克克里斯特与此事有关
我们不得不牺牲一些东西
我卖掉了杰克逊那儿的房子...不
- 玛撒斯温亚德的房子 - 闭上你的臭嘴
天哪
嘿 小东西 嘿嘿嘿 别学坏
我的妈呀
一月份
你是知道的
我能给你发份简历吗?
不 我这有很不错的简历 你会喜欢的
有传真吗?
二月份
这么说现在没有空闲的职位了 好吧
那未来的近一段时间呢?
好 当然 我不再打电话了
[三月份] -今天下午 好
我会过去的 再见
亲爱的 金字塔科技同意面试我了
我也确实很想在那儿工作
嘿
你慢点
- 迪克 - 欧兹
要去喝点什么吗?
- 你买单? - 当然
- 你是哈珀? - 不错
- 迪克·哈珀 - 是啊
你不用在这儿排队 跟我来
喂 欧兹 下次再请你
狗娘养的!
就这样卷起来 放到车上吧
赫克托 你们在干什么? 你们...?
- 这是怎么了? - 你的支票已经过期了
不过情有可原 你丈夫的事我都听说了
没人能承受得起这种景观的养护费吧
- 赫克托 求你了 - 实在对不起 简太太
不 不 不 不要这样
这些 这些都错了
我要退货 把这些东西都卷走吧
我定购的是大烟叶莓系牧草
这些都是些次品
- 迪克·哈珀 你太幸运了 - 上帝
对不起 我不记得我们认识
我是不认识你
我是在"当今财坛"上认识你这个笨蛋的 天哪 那个节目太棒了
对了 我一些朋友也想认识你
- 你好吗 迪克 - 我都不敢相信这真的是你
- 天哪 真的是他 - 你今天来带统计表了吗?
现在我们流行一种说法 一旦有人犯错了我们便说
"真是个迪克"
太可笑了 真是太可笑了
你有没有浏览过一个叫 "迪克·哈珀是个傻瓜"的网站?
你们肯定会喜欢的 它太引人注目了
我不知道我从哪儿拿的统计表
这是谁呀? 这是谁? 这是你呀 这是你
我们能不能开始进行面试?
这家伙
我们可没打算雇你 我们只想跟你拍张照片
站好了大家 靠近些 一 二 三
统计表
面试怎么样?
不算太坏
是次不错的经历
- 你在干什么? - 检查我们的财政状况
虽然不是很肯定
但是看起来我们好像有点麻烦了 迪克
不错 我们的金融反冲时间是比预期长了点
但是 这是自然规律
我们的草坪被别人抢跑了 我甚至都不知道他们有这个权利
我觉得现在你应该不得不承认某些事情
不要把自己想成一直在当副总裁
不 我等了15年才得到这个位子 如果现在我放弃的话
我这些年来所做的都白费了
我们先忍气吞声几个月再说
几个月就会让我们宣布破产的
- 乐观些嘛 - 我们的存款...
看 我们的存款都买哥路博达因公司股票了
还有我们的退休金也买了哥路博达因公司的股票
所有钱都买了哥路博达因公司的股票 是所有的钱
草坪上全是泥! 太好玩儿了
我刚捏了个泥人
现在贝利都学会变相地看事物了
亲爱的 放松些 我们还有六十万美元呢
- 哪儿? - 我们脚下啊 我们的房子
自从哥路博达因公司倒闭后 本地房地产市场也跟着垮了迪克
即使今天我们把房子卖了 我们仍欠银行十五万美元
我知道 我的内脏刚在翻腾
- 我什么都没听见 - 会好起来的
你说过我们承受得来 而且还拿出双份抵押
好让我们可以修游泳池 装修厨房
- 我是说过 - 但是我们现在
就马上有可能没有房子住了 如果我们没了房子
那么贝利便会失去安全感 不久就会变得沉默寡言
然后孤独地过完一生
他会很孤独 没有人和他在一起 就像个乞丐一样
亲爱的 亲爱的 放松些好不好?
你说过这一切都会好起来的
迪克先生 家里的电路好像有问题了
要是你去做的话 一定会是最棒的
大家好 我是露西 考斯超市训练小组组长
我非常欢迎大家加入考斯超市大家庭
虽然我们的工作很辛苦 但是我们可以同样玩得尽兴
我们大家会过得很开心的
因为我们在考斯超市 这里不仅仅是个商场 更是个大家庭
好了 在我们开始之前...
我需要你们的尿液样本
- 再过一小会儿就可以了 - 不要紧张
我已经结婚二十年了 我知道那东西长什么样儿
要不要来杯可乐?
如果你一直站在旁边看的话 我实在是很难做到
那你花一百美元来买我的尿
我都已经两年不用导管了 感谢上帝
很不幸 我们在普拉提或瑜伽都没有空闲职位
但是我们需要一位截拳道教练
太好了 我是说 我想...
我从来都没有... 我没有说过吧?
我天生就是教...
那个的
- 你好 欢迎来到考斯超市 - 学着点
你好 欢迎来到考斯超市
购买化妆品请走12B通道
欢迎来到考斯超市 现在CD正在促销 购买加思·布鲁克斯的CD请走51通道
欢迎来到考斯超市 您的本地枪支大商场
猎枪修理请走42通道
后来我才知道我穿着它
- 简 - 嘿 维罗尼卡
- 近段时间好吗? - 很好
我不知道你在这儿工作
欢迎来到考斯超市 我推荐您到熟食区转转
你会喜欢上墨西哥胡椒干酪块的 我们有免费使用
我对乳糖敏感 你们这儿哪卖烟?
柜台后面
- 我觉得那不是个好... - 迪克? 你错过了一个人
我去追上她 等等 女士 等等
大家注意了 嘿 嘿
我是简 你们的截拳道初级班教练
那么就让我们开始 跟我一起做
让我们稍稍放松一下
跟我做 对 这就样 拉 伸
等等 女士
向前戳 向前戳
- 抓到你了 - 尝尝这个
击右边 击左边 上前一步 踢
- 这东西灼我的眼睛 - 我一进来你就看我
你光想着沾我的便宜
知道吗? 我被你们解雇真是太高兴了
谁能凭那么点工资儿养活一家子人?
这是租的
不知道以前我们为什么没有想到这一点 真是个不错的主意
实在对不起我们没法付给你工资 我们现在也没钱
没事 贝利对我来说才是重要的
我愿意为他做任何事 理查德先生
同时我们也要谢谢你 答应用实物来代替你的工资
是啊
祝你好运
嘿 想想这个问题
一罐汽油到底能走多远
- 你想让我来开? - 嗯
想吃多少拿多少 特价2.99美元
转过来了
没有电视我们照样可以活 人类几千年都不曾看过电视
- 那拳击比赛怎么办 - 去酒吧看
那是犯法的
你们要把电视怎么样?
- 你们要把它卖了! - 别这样 贝利!
别管了 走 迪克
去他妈的 布兰卡 把他带走
- 爸爸 妈妈 - 走 走
- 别拿走我的电视 - 走 走 快
我还要看海绵宝宝和变形金刚
- 天 走 走 走 - 我还要看拉丁美洲的MTV
迪克 我们该怎么办?
我们把能卖的都卖了
嗯...
- 还可以去卖淫 - 迪克
我是说我
我们只能到处找工作了 仅此而已
已经没有工作了 迪克 有六千多人都等着工作呢
总统都还在汉堡王那儿打工呢
那也算 我们现在再有400美元就没事了
我们还能再撑一个月 这只是暂时的 所以冷静点
- 不要瞎伤心了 - 想吓死人啊
你们准备在这个脏兮兮的坑里坐一晚上?
- 起来 亲爱的 我们出去 - 好吧
我都被挤成葡萄干了
怎么了? 你看来很伤心啊 理查德
布兰卡 叫我迪克
也没什么布兰卡 只是找不到工作
我有一个表哥说不定可以帮你们
虽然赚的不多 但至少能补贴一点儿
我要一个会粉刷的人
我去
等等 我马上就要上来了 我上来了 我上来了
嘿 我可是先上来的
没事吧 白种人 你差点就去了
别担心 机会还多着呢
摔的地儿已经开始肿了
很明显吗?
- 不 - 只是很小一块
你们都看见了吧 我们应该去法院告他
告他
- 我们真的应该去告他 - 我们去告
我替你去
这是波特斯系列的新产品
我们希望不要发生任何问题
测试完毕后可以去前台领取14美元的奖励
各位女士一定会变得很漂亮的 让我们开始
现在让我们先填一些表格
它们是保险弃权书
然后下面的表列出了许多种面部问题
请大家在试用后对照一下
您的哪些面部问题得到了改善
还是二点当主牌?
不
我被坑了
我想我差不多要走了 卡洛斯 埃德沃多 加斯塔沃
很高兴能与你们认识
我们也很高兴
- 移民归化局 - 都别动 站着别动
- 移民归化局? - 站在那里 不要跑
你给我站回去
- 站着别动 - 开玩笑
真够热闹的
你们都知道规定 请出示你们的证件
- 靠着墙站 - 证件
我的钱包呢? 我的钱包跑哪儿了?
- 放开 我把钱包丢了 - 站好
- 哼 这可奇怪了 - 你是怎么得到的?
我这有当·约翰逊·埃利维斯和欧派·泰勒的证件
- 迪克·哈珀 你可以走了 - 迪克·哈珀?
我才是迪克·哈珀 嘿 他不是迪克·哈珀!
我们也不想惹麻烦
你的判断有严重的失误 我是美国人
你得好好练练发音 棕色人
我们能...? 你可以给我妻子打电话 她叫简?
行啊 我们给你妻子"詹"打电话
我们要问问她是你不是美国人 我还可以给我妻子詹尼弗打
还有他的妻子雅克莱 - 马上就接通了
不 等等 我是美国人 我向上帝发誓
- 嘿 注意你的用词 - 上车
好 测试结果出来了
在这次十四人的测试中 只有三人出现不良反应
- 不错的结果 - 喂?
- 吉尔? 你好 吉尔 - 迪克 什么事?
亲爱的 我实在走不开
什么? 你说话怎么怪怪的?
太可怕了
我去做新化妆品测试
但我对它过敏 真的很可怕吗?
当然不了 只是和平常有点儿不一样
迪克 我们能不能以后再谈这些?
好 快点 快点 咱们走 走
我要进屋睡觉去了
你睡吗?
我想在车里坐一会儿
想些事情
好吧
不要呆得太久了 明天还得早起
施粥所八点之后就不提供食物了
你还是那么漂亮
我再也受不了
我受够了
不好意思
我的天哪 我真的为冒犯您感到羞愧
原谅我吧 我把草坪给还回来了
我还回来了 原谅我吧
亲爱的 这是怎么了?
我把草坪弄回来了
草坪...
天哪 迪克
这太漂亮了
亲爱的
迪克 我爱死你了
我也爱你
取消赎取权的最后通知 你必须在24小时内交出房产 否则州政府将强制驱逐
24小时内 强制驱逐
这个墨镜是不是太大了?
现在你看起来倒像是个"炸弹手"
很好
你拿着比利的水枪在干什么?
我们规规矩矩做人 却上当受骗
我们都是好人 正直的人
却上当受骗
妈的
你想干什么 抢银行吗?
我们上当受骗 一次又一次
我偷了草坪 然后怎么样了?
我们现在有一块草地了
是的 可是... 好
我们是弱者...
努力保护我们仅有的一小块土地
现在我们有了武器
我要取我所需
也许你应该偷些氟西汀(抗抑郁药物)来
保持微笑 简 保持微笑
我很快就回来
带着战利品 哦 不要 不要 我马上就来
我可不想错过这么好的机会 你拭目以待吧
不管怎么说 你总需要个车夫吧
行了 到此为止 玩笑时间结束 我们回家吧
快点 不 不行
我们还没有干活呢 好吧 你...
那就让我们在死于煤气中毒前
大干一场吧
你在里面的时候 给我拿些薯条
哦 不 不 不 葡萄干 葡萄干 我想要葡萄干
宝贝 你的东西
我知道 我知道 好的
别把目击者给落下了
好的
嗨
冷得我头疼
你喝过吗?
一瓶冰饮料 还有吗?
是的 是的 我还拿了些东西
就在这儿
嗨 杰克 休息一下 我来吧
一共1.29美元
1.29美元
快跑 简 快跑 快跑
哦 天啊 你干了吗?
出了点事
太疯狂了 太疯狂了 你真的抢了那地方?
没有 不过我喝了饮料没有付钱
什么? 那我们几乎就...
没有什么麻烦嘛
简 好好开车 行不行? 我们另找个地方 怎么样?
把钱给我 加思
迪克?
哦 天啊 你还记得简吗?
她在车里 简?
嗨 加思 嗨 简
这是加思 这是怎么回事?
我们是在烤肉野餐上认识的 哈珀 你还好吗?
你带你去的那儿
带我去的? 你吓死我了
对 你真是疯狂
我们应该好好放松一下 好的
对 你想和加思一起出去玩吗?
好吧 好吧
开车吧 开车 赶紧开车
好吧 迪克 好的
我的车就在那儿
我给你拿着吧
谢谢你 孩子 谢谢 哦 不用 我...
也许吧
好了 停车
那地方东西很多
时机成熟 该下手了
你就是干这行儿的人
不过说真的
你这不是在瓦尔基尔墨拍电影 我已经尽力了
这没有什么丢人的 我要说的就是 有些人...
有人适合干这个 而有人则不适合
或许...
你并不适合当坏人
嗨 伙计 我能为你做什么?
你能做的就是把钱柜里的钱都交出来
抢劫了 你没事吧? 伙计
我的错就是结婚了
哦 天啊 哦 天啊
快点 百草枯 快点
是真枪啊 你是在抢劫啊
迪克? 宝贝 你的睡衣
哦 天啊 好了 宝贝 对不起
听我说 你在干什么啊 你疯了吗?
什么? 听着 举起手来
他有点紧张 你们为什么抢我啊?
公平地讲 我们俩 我要抢这个人
- 我们不需要这样做 - 我收到一个通知 是关于抵押的
如果我们明天不交钱的话 州政府就要把我们赶出去
我说 马上把钱拿出来 我是说真的
拿出来 放到袋子里 我们走 很容易嘛
天啊 哦 天啊 快点
真是太荒谬了 女人真是不可思议 是不是?
就像果冻罐
哇
看 看 怎么了?
什么? 我不认为有人在跟踪我们
天啊
小心那边
停那下面去
哦 天啊
我不敢相信我们刚刚干的事 可是我们确实干了
我们确实干了
这跟偷老女人的东西不一样 你知道吗?
的确 也许我们可以想个办法
归还一些偷来的东西
也许吧 极有可能
抢杯咖啡喝怎么样?
一杯冰摩卡应该不错 对
好的 这是抢劫 想要命的就趴到地上
天 你没事吧?
我没事 好的
你 倒两杯冰摩卡 我们走 走啊 走啊
两杯冰摩卡 对 加生奶油
生奶油 随便什么生奶油吧 宝贝 你呢?
不要 谢谢 她什么都不加
不要生奶油 这些脱脂松饼怎么样?
这是脱脂松饼? 我想是的吧
好的 这是脱脂松饼 把这些拿上
哪一个 香草的还是巧克力的? 在后面 在后面
这个吗? 不 不 是那个
前面吗? 宝贝 不 那个 好了
对 好了 很好 好 谁都别想跟踪我们
因为我们是亡命徒 我们是疯子
我会杀了你们所有的人
哦 咖啡 咖啡 对 好的
多谢
你在那儿干什么呢?
你认为怎么样?
是赛车手伊文思吗? 是埃文·克尼维尔 亲爱的
我喜欢这身行头
宝贝 我的车在哪?
奔驰 走吧
我可以看足球比赛了
不管发生了什么事 要知道我爱你
我也爱你
我们行动吧 好的
走 走 走 走 走 走 走 走
哦 天啊
这个家伙可真有钱
有好多钱呢
我们该不该杀了他?
嗨 不许笑
现在你别笑了行不行?
因为这是对我们的贬低
对
不管怎么说 我们怎么做? 开始吧
什么? 这是什么? 没什么
别做任何傻事 否则
你会付出惨重的代价
亲爱的 快点 别废话了
好吧
听起来好有趣
我知道 那就是我所想的
哦 天啊
救...
你们听说了鲍勃·布劳斯丁的事了吗?
鲍勃·布劳斯丁? 对
鲍勃·布劳斯丁是谁? 松尼特环球公司的
或许应该说他曾经在松尼特环球公司工作
是的 对 如果他不小心
他们就会成为下一个金字塔科技
绝对的 绝对的
哦 迪克
自从哥路博达因公司倒闭后你在干什么?
在家里工作 玩玩股票
我告诉你们 伙计
就像偷钱 你走火入魔了 迪克
最后一点 设法吸引大家的注意力 好的
我给您开门吧 夫人 谢谢
欢迎您
哦 天啊 这个女人晕倒了
你没事吧? 你最好解开她的上衣
这样她就能...
呼吸了 好的
哦 不 不 不 我 你没事吧?
哦 没事
那就好
我稍后再打给你吧 打扰您一下 怎么了?
我有什么可以帮您的吗? 我是检查官
菲尔怎么了? 筋膜炎组织坏死
是由链球菌入侵引起的
什么?
导致食肉性紊乱
钱上都是细菌
也许你该洗洗手
所有的人趴下 抢劫了
休想 别动 各位
哦 天啊 哦 天啊
哦 不 都别动
你 大胡子 大胡子 趴到地上
哦 迪克
我要打死这些大胡子
马上把脸朝下 我趴着呢
去拿钱 你 你去拿钱 我拿着枪呢
那是计划好的 放下武器
哦 妈的 照计划办事 照计划办事
我在放下武器 拿着枪 猪头
亲爱的 你在干什么啊?
哦 迪克 哦 迪克 哦 迪克 快跑 迪克 快跑啊
你个胆小鬼 趴到地上
哇 是个孩子啊 你个懦夫
我被铐起来了 我被铐起来了 你个臭猪
抱歉 带上
带上 我会给你们所有人点颜色看的
亲爱的 快上车 快上车 黛比
非常感谢 哦 迪克
亲爱的
感谢上帝
原来是奥兹和黛比·皮特森
欧兹和黛比·皮特森
哥路博达因公司前雇员
被当地警方抓获后
被控犯有持械抢劫罪 迪克 迪克 那有可能就是以后的我们
那个时候我们在想什么?
突然失业是导致他们犯罪的原因
就像这个女人勒米·赛乐 曾是人力资源部经理
去年5月被捕之前在管理着另一种资源
220公斤的加拿大优质大麻
我认识她 她总是记得大家的生日
这个男人 马克·菲施 哥路博达因公司公司副总裁
因在自己家里设置秘密赌场
而被捕
马克·菲施? 他是个很不错的家伙呢
哥路博达因公司首席财务官弗兰克·巴斯克姆博
下周将开始他18个月的刑期
18个月? 那算什么 狗杂种
想控告杰克·麦克克里斯特
哦 是的 我不认为我侥幸逃脱了
哥路博达因公司的倒闭 在经济和个人情感都对我有很大的伤害
就像其他任何一个职员一样 我很担心这个
我知道
看看这一枪
我打中它了吗？
现在你打中了 太棒了
看那个家伙
大家都在蹲监狱 他却在渡假打猎
希望这些杂种个个都不得好死
检察官说接下来会被起诉的是
公司顾问迪克·哈珀
哈珀给予公司误导声明 什么？ 起诉我？
哥路博达因公司的股票在一分钟后
起诉？ 那不公平 他们让你...
陷入那样的境地
你听到他们说的了吗？ 我被起诉了
可只是照他们说的去做 我被起诉了 简
被起诉了 我被起诉了
等等 可能会... 我被起诉了
亲爱的 迪克 我被起诉了
亲爱的 我要被起诉了
行了 他们不会... 会没事的 冷静点
我冷静不下来 我就要被起诉了 被起诉了
我就要被起诉了
被起诉了
我就要被起诉了
被起诉了
我有一阵子没在俱乐部里看到你了 先生
那是因为我非常 非常的忙
被起诉了
看看这些巨头们
你们都是我的小喽罗
工业巨头 宇宙的主人
海尔俱乐部的董事长 长着一头好发
你是看不到商标的
松鼠死于自然因素
打扰了 原谅我吧
我要爬向金融峰会的顶峰
没有人想做点什么吗？
这种事情每天都在发生 这个家伙实际上并不坏
我是个傀儡
我需要被人操纵
这样我就能相信总有一天我是真正的乖孩子
不受任何操纵 不 不 不 我知道了
都是胡说八道
哦 天啊 迪克 下来吧
亲爱的 我在开一个非常重要的会议呢
宝贝 你是站在桌子上装木偶呢
谁在装？
你就不能阻止他吗？ 他只喝了半瓶酒啊
迪克 嗨 好久不见了
弗兰克 弗兰克 我得去找他 只是...
弗兰克 你要去哪？
迪克 过来 弗兰克
我只是想谈谈
嗨 呆好了 弗兰克
你觉得菠菜鸡蛋羹怎么样?
等等 等等 是杰克搞的鬼
是杰克
他卷走了哥路博达因公司所有的钱
然后把所有的股票出手了 他从一开始就计划好了
狗娘养的
那个杂种
亲爱的 注意语言 她是对的
你出狱的时候
就会得到2000万美元的封口费
不 是1000万美元 你以为我会得到2000万美元吗?
你们这群狗娘养的
你停一下 迪克 我要杀了他
我们走吧 你不认为我已经够倒霉的了吗?
你没看到我在借酒浇愁?
除了喝酒 你就不能做点什么
弗兰克 有时候人要有良心
说得好 谢谢夸奖 亲爱的
我只是想了想 是吗?
对 你做得对
你做得对 扶我起来 扶我起来
扶我起来 我要想些事情
好的 给我一点时间 就给我...
嗨
这次不行了 弗兰克 对不起 对不起 对不起
这是惯性作用 我有个办法 我有个办法
可那真的得冒点风险
杰克一直拥有
4亿美元的美国高度流动性无记名债券
这是地下室 午夜进去 经过保安
还要有工具
太简单了 工具?
杰克要把这些钱从保险库里取出来
那应该很有意思
这是我的宝贝
他要把那些钱拿去干什么用?
带到盛大鳄鱼银行去
盛大鳄鱼 这是个什么地方?
是有钱人偷税漏税的地方
狗杂种 亲爱的
他们听不见 下一步呢?
麦克克里斯特带着这笔钱去见一位众议员
进去的人要进行电子签名 只有会员才会有
这些债券被清理和证实了
麦克克里斯特将会接受一张CRM114存款单
在这张单子上有他的帐号
只有他和银行知道 然后代理人就会把这些钱带到...
一位政府官员处进行公证
进行盖章 签文
帐户接收方就会拿到CRM-114存款单
最后在结束前还需经过麦克克里斯特的最后批准
你说过这很简单
你能不能再解释一次? 简好像不理解
简 是很简单 太简单了 呀
现在 听着
我们大家得...
找出麦克克里斯特的存款单帐户
换成我们自己的
抱歉 我们复印一份
我建立的一组帐户数字
杰克的4亿美元就会神不知鬼不觉地进我们的腰包
那个 你明白了太简单了
太棒了 偷梁换柱
偷梁换柱 偷梁换柱
掉包 很厉害啊 伙计
真不敢相信 太有意思了 可那得要简去完成
因为如果麦克克里斯特的人看到我们俩的话 他就会觉察到
我呢? 什么也别做
我能干好
好
好吧
你来干吧 那么 你就是合适的人选 对
是的
你可以干 除非.... 不 好着呢
不 你来干吧 你干吧 你干吧
应该你来干 亲爱的
两天后
你准备好偷梁换柱了吗? 表格准备好了吗?
在这儿 我们应该练习一下
不 我知道怎么做 那好吧
我不会被卷进去的 我根本不会参与其中
你干吧 全靠你了 祝我们好运吧
我准备好了 你就不支持我
下车吧 我只是认为这很重要
那就这样吧
好吧 我会成为银行董事的 你会如愿的
嗨 嗨 等等 先生
不 不 不 不 对不起
大家准备好了吗? 没有
什么? 迪克把表格弄丢了
那... 什么?
你有没有多复印一份?
你让我到哪去弄到那东西?
让我猜猜吧 见鬼去吧
你这个狗娘养的
等等 住手 停下
天啊 等一下 我们能不能再弄一张?
有那个可能吗? 我们该怎么做?
你知道的 我要把车...
我要尽量延迟麦克克里斯特
他来了 他来了 哦 天啊
你是在干什么? 我去了
这并不怎么样
这很简单 我知道怎么办了
我知道怎么办了 很简单 什么?
进银行后到客户关系协调员的办公室
文件表格就在她的桌子上 你得把它复印一份
这个家伙是谁? 我要不要打个招呼? 别在意 从他们旁边走过去就行了
真是古怪
麦克克里斯特在12点的方向那儿
好的 我要去了 我要去搞定他
亲爱的 什么?
我怎么才能找到客户关系协调员的办公室?
转身
哦 我... 哦 天啊 哦 天啊 是杰克·麦克克里斯特
打搅一下? 我是黛比·菲斯特布斯
你好 你好
那就是咖啡机吗?
你想要一些吗?
真的? 我可以吗? 当然可以了
很高兴见到你 我是慈善会的
真是抱歉 可我真的想不起了 小姐是..?
菲斯特布鲁克...布斯 对 不 听着 这是有点疯狂
可你得回忆一下
给你 谢谢
哦 对不起 我的电话
哦 我也是
我是格兰德·凯曼·班克 有什么事吗？
请找一下凯伦·韦尔曼斯
我是凯伦 哦 韦尔曼先生
我是MVPDL的长官
雷德格林
我们得到一辆用你名字注册的失车
如果你能来物品扣押处 我们将不胜感激
什么？ 我的车被偷了？
你不记得我屁股上有个绿猴子的纹身吗？
有人在停车场外面偷了我的车
休想
喂 是迪克
我得手了
迪克 在
客户关系协调员是不是一个 围着红色围巾的金发女人？
对对对 她注意到她的车没被偷
帐号是多少？ P-N-5-9-7
P-N-5-9-7...
2- K-4-0. 2-4-K...
不对 是2-K-4-0
哦 天啊 知道了
哦 天啊 我的车
对不起 对不起 对不起 对不起
我没有看到你在那儿 你怎么了？
我怎么了？
你把车停在残疾人道上了
那不是残疾人道 现在是
对
你在这儿干什么？ 太晚了
他们已经签了
哦
等一下 他没有回到原来的房间
他要去哪？ 我要下去
拿到这个签发的文件 你来拖住他吧
哦 我讨厌拖延
拿着这个 信号拥挤
嗨 斯宾塞很高兴又见到你了 你还好吗？
很好 谢谢
我能打搅您一会儿吗？
当然可以了 好的
迪克 我有可能会被DWI逮到的 [DWI：醉酒后驾车的监控系统]
你出来的时候我就不在那儿了
我们能不能晚点再说这个？ 我在他车里发现了
我不想在政府官员前面讨论这个 这就是理由
没人愿意成为坏人 比尔 可你就是我案板上的肉
我已经核实了 我理解失业人员的需要
我关注民心
我很好 真的 非常感谢 谢谢
夫人 我能拿回我的表吗？ 你刚叫我什么？
我只是不想大开杀戒
我能拿回我的表吗？ 你的"瓢"？
你是名字是怎么拼的？ 我这只不过是在替你做 先生
我的表格
你知道 这儿有一个大人物
斯宾塞 签字的这家伙 是个高层人物
谢谢 先生
迪克?
迪克·哈珀?
杰克·麦克克里斯特
你刚撞到我了 瞧我给咳的说不出话来了
唉呀 你瞧着不错嘛 我会告诉你的
你也很不错嘛 你这家伙 稍等一下
我们一笔勾销吧
迪克 你在这儿干什么？ 你知道 我在工作啊 主要是 这儿...
临时的 过来送点东西
是吗? 放弃吧 我听说你离开城镇了
对 我在墨西哥呆了一阵 可我老是调动
哦 我明白了 胡说
我想告诉你你是我的灵感源泉
你不生气吗? 你做得够好了
那是所有人要求的 有空再跟你说吧
就像我爷爷曾经告诉我的那样
再见
太棒了 我们成功了
麦克理斯特先生 这边请
我不知道 我想是搞错了
你开玩笑吧? 你真是太棒了 不 不 不行
在这儿 先生
像今天这样的日子 他们老跟我握手
知道我在说什么吗? 我能想像得到
他在干什么? 我不知道 他在干什么?
我发现这儿有个问题 伙计
号码是错的
就那儿 是错的
他看到我们了吗? 我不知道
我认为他看到你了
我认为他看到的是你
你把你的大脑袋伸出来
我还有事要离开了 伙计 我就在这儿签字吧
然后你要改一下 好的
哦 你知道 这真不是时候
这真不是时候 哦 天啊 他来了
他来了 亲爱的 好的
杰克 你好 见到你真是太高兴了
弗兰克·巴斯克姆博在哪？ 什么？
你不认为我已经知道了吗？
你是什么意思？ 你在这儿到底想干什么？
你最好就此收手 马上离开这儿
你还能和那个金发美人儿呆在一起
不然的话我会让你们俩在监狱呆上很长一阵子
事实上 亲爱的 我想那听起来很不错 我想...
我想我们应该接受他的建议
你这么认为的吗? 亲爱的
是的
因为我不这么认为 迪克·哈珀
我曾经失业 破产 被驱逐和勒索
都是因为你
没有收到你的钱我是不会离开的
你想干什么啊 迪克？ 如果我不签字的话就向我开枪？
给我写张支票
你在开玩笑吧 迪克 那样做对我们没有什么好处
我们一离开这儿他就会把帐户取消的
我不在意
我不想两手空空的走出这个银行
好吧 好吧 迪克 我给你写支票
我要腾出手来 很乐意
好吧 先生 我给你写张支票
还有 我并不会取消这个帐户的
我这么做 是因为你们俩今天在这儿的表现
我很欣赏
那...
给你
这只是给你们的一点小意思 因为我认为你们是值得我这样做的
你们保重吧
迪克 亲爱的...
把水枪给我 好吗?
你还拿着麦克理斯特的表格吗?
怎么了?
因为我得到他的签字了
你不是主修过艺术吗?
迪克·哈珀 我不明白你是怎么做的
我完全被愚弄了 天啊 我不知道你还会演戏
亲爱的 10年级的时候 我在《推销员之死》出演过比夫这个角色
快点 那只是...
没有看到我已经热泪盈眶了吗?
是的 先生 一切顺利
我嫁给了一个天才
这是个开端 是不是?
你是个罪犯 我是个最难对付的罪犯
亲爱的 首先我们要跟斯宾塞谈谈
对
您有不看文件就签字的习惯吗?
施恩考夫小姐?
施恩考夫小姐 我6点到家
麦考理斯特先生 杰克
麦考理斯特先生 麦考理斯特先生
我们都在那边等你 杰克 大家都累得上气不接下气了
出来吧
开什么玩笑 迪克?
你还要报复我吗?
我这什么要报复你这么一位慷慨大方的人呢?
我还不敢相信你会那样做 简和我真是大错特错了
他有20分钟时间 对吗? 快点吧 等等 有什么?
萨姆·塞缪尔 当今财坛
这儿有几条建议
住到南加利福尼亚
一个做出惊人的慷慨之举的人 杰克·麦克克里斯特...
你他妈以为你是谁？
我是你的行销副总裁 杰克
私人建立的倒闭公司的养老基金会
你刚刚说我做了什么？
天啊 我爱这个家伙
不过说真的 杰克 你为什么那么做呢？
哦 我 萨姆 我...
萨姆 那是因为我意识到 哥路博达因公司的雇员
给予我太多了 是时候回报他们了
因此 昨天
我把4000千万美元
汇进了新建立的哥路博达因退休救济金帐户上
哦 很好
让我们看看哥路博达因公司前雇员
在收到钱之后是怎么样的
许多人把他们一生的钱都投进了公司
当得知他们的钱被返还后都非常高兴
这是美国企业历史上首次
由一位CEO个人成立的失业救济金计划
这一惊人壮举是不会被
这些受到戏剧性变化影响的人们所忘记的
而且这还只是个开端
在未来几个月里 成千上万的人们将会收到支票
来补充他们失去的退休金和积蓄
杰克 杰克 他给你取回来了
杰克 杰克 他给你们取回来了
你听到了吧? 他们爱你 杰克
马上下地狱吧 麦克克里斯特先生...
你认为你是当代罗宾汉吗?
这是不是意味着你摆脱困境了? 你想不想挽救鲸鱼呢?
稍等一下
你决定捐助无家可归者吗?
什么让你如此高尚?
麦克克里斯特先生 你此刻感觉如何?
麦克克里斯特先生 给兄弟一点钱怎么样?
瞧瞧我们的新家
(墨西哥语)
我叫迪克·哈珀
(墨西哥语)
我同意 嗨 哈珀一家 跟上他们
看看这是谁 嗨 戛斯
你怎么样？ 加思
非常棒 嗨 你觉得新车怎么样？
很漂亮 和一家新公司签约了
薪酬丰厚 是吗？
是的 他们是经营能源的 公司名字叫安然
谢谢观赏!